最近有位浸會大學文化研究及創意產業的學生DM我，表示佢係Love and Humanities 既Term Paper 引用我寫既書《多人運動尋妙色愛慾》寫了一篇關於香港對於非一夫一妻制既關係。
（上次係HKU Human Sexuality 學生同我地做個性小眾學術專訪，全場一個鐘，呢到睇返）
佛洛姆 Erich Fromm《愛的藝術》
作為一個活躍多人運動既女仔，大家覺得我唔會無人埋身，係! 但咩叫「埋身」？扑野唔愁無對像？你揀人時人揀你，對住macy 有人會覺得有壓力，有人覺得不可侵犯，有人覺得咪又係女人。唔會無人錫？一定有人愛護？當我追求揮一揮衣袖留精不留情時，對方亦是如此，淫底、痴女同美好生活、想要既生活，無一個必然關係，我繼續用愛去融化，只求融化別人時，自己有足夠既強大內心去支撐所有。
呢個問題真係有fans問。開放式關係、唔開放、結婚、單身，係一個選擇，選擇後，孰好孰壞，誰得知。而我而家，當下 ，執筆呢秒，認為無任何承諾既生活係最合適，但我依舊不斷探索。而時限，又何以去SET比自己，(不如set個同「去污名化」、「情慾自主」相關既 achievement 比自己) 正如結婚後，「正常人」唔會Set d咩野Timeline去做下一步。
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澳洲 – Rabble Books & Games
其他 – 親手寄俾你，無論世界各地
香港浸會大學 Hong Kong Baptist University
Bachelor of Arts (Honours) in Cultural Studies and Creative Industries
Love and Humanities [CSCI3025] Ryan Wong
Non-monogamy Relationships and the adjustment of perspective of Relationships in Hong Kong people
The love between two individuals is usually seen as the basis of our welfare and social policy, as the latter required two persons engaged in a relationship to be recognized as a couple. OurChinastory.com wrote that (2022), in the British colonial rule era, the one husband and one wife policy have set up as a rule based on the morals of Chinese culture and readjustment of marriage policy in 1969 and existed as a basis of the welfare policy until now. Starting from ancient Greek to modern society nowadays, the marriage policy set up settled on a rule based on morals, which has the same aspects of Chinese and Western thoughts. The marriage policy nowadays has straightforward limitations on the method of the bond relationships between human beings. However, society nowadays has walked a different way from the era that the marriage policy has established, resulting in conflicts with the non-monogamy relationship and martial perspective of Hong Kong people.
When we look back to Hong Kong, which is an internationalized developed city and an area that had the coordination of Western and Chinese culture, we can see that people have sometimes felt that, it is just ok to have a non-monogamy relationship, but others think that it still requires lots of calculation to them. Why will they have such feelings that seem divided into two sides? The writer will use several readings to analyze this issue and find out the reason that even though having an affair is against society, people are still willing to start up a relationship outside of their marriage. In the current marriage policy, we can see the non-monogamy relationship has walked a different way from it.
How does a non-monogamy relationship work in love?
One husband and wife marriage policy has become a method to guide the functioning of society, and even to a certain extent, the relations of others. In an
analysis, Marisa expressed her view on open relationships. She wrote that (2015) monogamist relationships used to be the mainstream type of relationship, but people seek to have a non-monogamy, multi-relation structure in their relationship, which contained swinging, dynastic sex, and non-monogamy in relation context. We used to believe that monogamy relationship is the sole definition of a relationship of love as it is the main definition accepted by society, like the boys are only allowed to cut their hair, in short, to attend class at school.
However, an open relationship can show a different way of bonding as it is composed of more than one partner in a relationship, and even the background and personalities of people have not widely been considered by the individuals. They will have multiple relationships and to a certain extent, they will know the existence of another partner. Sometimes, they will be engaged together in different kinds of activities, like surfing, having dinner, or even having sex in a group.
When they bonded together to gain a sense of belonging and are even willing to seek love in the engagement with other lover people, they can have well competition with other partners or learn more to cooperate in a relationship, to bring benefit to themselves. In European -US society, the open relationship has become common, although it has yet to be legalized and the right to respond of a spouse has not been protected on a legal basis. Melita and Lisa mentioned (2006) the marriage policy is beneficial for welfare recipients, but not for those who are having non-mainstream sexuality. Sometimes, when people have engaged others in a relationship, they usually link up with each other, as they can stay together in a relationship above the couple and family. Just as the CBS video speaks frankly: non-monogamy, many people are started to feel it is free to be themselves and engage with each other as they can live more comfortably with there are no arguments in their homes.
The marriage system in Hong Kong
Marriage policy is the factor of the relationship itself. In Hong Kong, many people have consideration about the management of a marriage. When we visited the public hospital, healthcare will be available to the one who has a family and a child. In court, we usually heard that the widow of the deceased partner will receive the property that was originally owned by him. Sometimes, when we choose to wait for public housing, the flats that contain large spaces will be rapidly reserved for people who have one spouse and child. Why has the policy always helped those who have one child and a spouse? Because they are a family, which has its difference from non-monogamy
Marriage and Morals of Hong Kong people
The people of Hong Kong have usually constructed their relationships based on a solid linkage of people, which usually think that people should stay loyal to those they are bonded with, based on morals. From the Republic of China era to nowadays, the marriage policy has become the basis of our society, as it is linked to how we benefited from the welfare system and how we choose to manage our relationships.
The problem of marriage policy
The marriage policy has released three problems, including divorce, single families, and affairs. Marriage policy has created the linkage of incompatible people, resulting in divorce. The divorce rate has increased in 2021 than the last year. Dimsumdailyhk wrote that (2021), the divorce rate has exceeded 30%, and many people had first married who choose to divorce. When the marriage policy has made sure the link-up of two different people, the conflict between the relationship, and placement of property has not been avoided, resulting in more arguments, and the busy life of Hong Kong has restricted the be in contact time of the couples, resulting in divorce. The breakup of the marriage has become inevitable once the individuals in the relationship have lacked time to understand each other.
Also, the marriage policy has created another problem, which is resulted in more single families. Kwong stated that (2016), the number of single parents in 2016 is 73428. When the marriage policy has resulted in more people divorcing, many children have chosen to live with either their father or mother. Sometimes, when they usually take care of one parent, the economic power of the family has decreased, resulting in poverty. Aside from lacking financial resources, the children are lacking paternal love or maternal love, which made them unable to have a balanced development of personality, affecting their behavior in the future.
Besides, the marriage policy has generated more affairs. Since people may have some feelings for another person while they engage in a relationship already, and the lack of communication between the individual and the spouse, many people will start having affairs to fulfill their wish on finding love and desire that the spouse cannot provide anymore. Sometimes, the conflict between those who have affairs, and the
original partner has made the trust in each other collapse, resulting in divorce.
Feeling the traditional ideal and policy of marriage has not worked anymore, many people choose to put their efforts into building non-monogamy relationships.
More understanding of each other in a non-monogamy relationship
Sometimes, they can co-live happily with the understanding of the daily encounter of the lovers. It can see to reject monogamy in the relationship is possible as they can share their love and feel with each partner as they will link up with each other in a net based on their relationship, and not bond up in a single relationship and get managed by the states marriage policy, even getting rid with the traditional perspectives about the engagement and coupling of the relationship of each other, so in case, they are folding the relationship with several people and even willing to find out the sense of belonging with each other. The writer thinks that, with the optimism revealed by the viewers, it seems the relationship in a non-monogamy must seem to be common in Western society, as the people are having a sense of understanding of personal freedom in choosing what method of relationship they want. They can build a good relationship as there are no social bounden with natural elements.
Grouping, or walking in a pair on a relationship: source of true love
When we look back into Hong Kong, we can see the opening relationship is quite new to this land. Many adaptions of the media about the opening relationship are not positive, including the TV dramas made by TVB, are describe the engagers of open relationships as sluts, and womanizers and inject an ideal that mainly the riches and powerful people are mostly being a success in opening relationships, as the wealth and power can attract the girls or men. When the perspectives of an open relationship are constructed under the traditional approach, the research of the open relationship is continued as it is a way to show up an innovative way of the engagement of the relationship. The writer thinks that the traditional point of view of non-monogamy relationships will be reshaped with more research to discover the real feeling and find out true love without any conditions.
How did non-monogamy relationships become the mainstream of the youth society?
Many people, particularly the youth, show their acceptance of open relationships. Sometimes, feminists are encouraging the youth people to try out open relationships, as it is a way to rebel against the hierarchy settled up by the patriarchy. The traditional
point of view has been set up in the approach of the supporters of the patriarchy, which term-limited the imagination of the people who think about managing a relationship that incorporates love. As a result, people are usually manipulated to believe only the one-man and-one women relationship is having its sustainable and the best way to show a person’s loyalty and the true chance to be themselves in the relationship as they think it’s a chance to show how reliable the relationship is in the society, without offering a chance to the other type of relationship, resulting in the overdominance of monogamy relationship and the social image of the opening relationship has been criticized as “disobey to the rules of societies ” and those who engaged in a non-monogamy relationship should be punished in the social order.
Is it possible to accept a non-monogamy relationship in Hong Kong?
Hong Kong is a city that combined both Chinese and Western cultural elements, as well as a mixed view on constructing relationships. In the traditional point of view, the parents usually think that the merge of the people is following the social order given by the relatives and the ancestors to have a better family life, as well as follow the traditional aspects of marriage, like ritual kneeing to the heaven, as the god is the core of the relationship and the one who forge the relationship. In the Western culture, in which the management method of society is constructed based on the Catholic perspective, the policy and religion are trying to urge us to believe that marriage, or the love relationship itself, is built up in the combination of one man and one woman, and even the policy of welfare and succeeding property has usually given the green light to the one who has one spouse but has zero chance to those who have spouse number more than one. Even the government policy has restricted their rights, society has started to accept them.
Using a famous case of the open relationship as an example. Oriental Sunday mentioned that (2021), the artist Johnny Tang had three spouses and stayed with them happily for several years. But the government policy limited the succession of the property and the number of spouses that allowed him to get married, so he is not officially married and not able to use what the rights that law has provided to married couples, which has a limitation on how he is using his right as an individual who has lovers. The writer thinks that people and other individuals can construct the relationship, as it requires the link between the benefit obtained by the individuals. Marisa wrote that (2015), a relationship can be a success with one who had the same benefits because the couple who involved an over-benefit and an under-benefit person with being vanished easily, which makes the partner will be resent him or not suitable
to be with together.
When one feels it is comfortable with the one who has the same priority, they will most likely be engaged together and fond together as they will find out who is they are going to share their feeling with are those with whom they truly feel they are compatible and have an understanding on each other. Honestly, even though the policy of the government has set up the “commodity” that the states want to construct and to boast up the influence of patriarchal guidelines of the religion, many youths are still making their choice to break the wall constructed by the hierarchy and pursue a way to unite with their spouses and partners into a more confident, bravely attitude to reformatting their way on finding their way of building a relationship as a miniature circle of people, which in term become the true love and the society has accepted them.
Will the Hong Kong people have joy in the non-monogamy relationship?
Even if the policy of Hong Kong has limitations on its popularity, does it mean the one who engages in a non-monogamy relationship has not achieved joy? Luisa wrote (2015), that open relationships will engage in disbelief and bewilderment, as the relationship are usually constructed in the social context and run according to the logical point of view given by the traditional social perspectives. However, the writer will address his point of view here, as the open relationship is not sad in the situation. Macy wrote that (2022), her engagement with several men, including Michael and Mirror, has given her experience of feeling joy, and even make her feel relieved and achieve an understanding of the needs of the engager in the relationship, as there are no any bargains on the position of love, and they can have the same giving of love. In this type of relationship, the partners of each other have received such happiness and understanding of each other, that is no longer feel betrayed by their partner, as everything is settled down on the trust of each other, and even changed their minds that sometimes sexual activity can be no longer related to marriage and enjoy their engagement with their partners.
While everybody has kept their mate relationship under a certain direction set up between partner and partner. So, in this situation, they will cooperate to secure a better life for everyone. Even though it is a concept set up in the late 20 century, many people are enjoyed or willing to participate in the new type of relationship that consists of different kinds of people.
While others may think it is full of pain and distrust, the participants in the open relationship are still able to enjoy happiness and feeling being blessed just like the ones who have engaged in monogamous relationships. The writer thinks that the one essential in relationships is the desire of being with others, and it is not related to how many partners you have, so being with the partners under certain contracts and having fun is ok for those who want to try it out. When they stay in the same area, they will find their way of living out together and spending time, even not being afraid of the point of view given by society. Therefore, even the conservative ideal may encourage people to tell the company that the participants of open relationships worked to threaten them, but they still enjoy staying with their partner and find the way that they want to co-live with the partners together.
In the traditional marriage policy, we must admit that the rights of civilians, the welfare have been protected. But the problems of divorce and having affair has created more single family which has been increasing.
But a non-monogamy relationship is a new style of relationship that has guidelines and contracts between the partners. They co-exist and give each other respect and love, as well as maintain the stability of the relationship itself. Sometimes the traditional perspective and the government policy set up limitations on the welfare system and rights as a couple. Even when back to their perspective, they will face up bizarre eyesight from the public and pressure from their companions, making them will found themselves getting trapped in the struggles in their own life and the participation of workers. However, when they investigate their relationship in life, they are still having a smiley face toward the future of their life with their partners and experienced love at any time.
How Hong Kong people should choose their way of life? Is it good to accept a policy that has an appearance to be a good thing but created more problems at the same time?
1. Marisa, C. (2015) An Exploratory Study of Individuals in Non-traditional,
Alternative Relationships: How ‘‘Open’’ Are We? ,Sexuality & Culture (2016) 20:295–315, DOI 10.1007/s12119-015-9324-z
2. Melisa et.al (2006) Progressive Polyamory: Considering Issues of Diversity, Sexualities Vol 9(5): 602–620 DOI: 10.1177/1363460706070003
3. CBS News (2019, October 28) CBS Reports presents “Speaking Frankly: Non-monogamy” [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JYxYqc3wi8&t=1s
4. Luisa, T. (2018, September 30) Open relationships: their rules, risks, and rewards – a pleasure coach explains. South China Morning Post.
5. Oriental Sunday (2021, April 12) Johnny Tang Splits Time with His Three Girlfriends.
6. Macy, C. (2022) Macy in Orgy, Love and Desire. Pegasus Entertainment Culture. ISBN: 978-988-75963-3-2
7. Our China Story (2022, July 18) Hong Kong established monogamy on 18 July 1969.
8. Kwong, L. (2016, May 30) LCQ7: Support services for single-parent families, The Government of Hong Kong Special Administrative Region.
9. Dimsumdaily Hong Kong (2021, June 19) Divorce rate in HK has exceeded 30%, and remarried persons account for one-third of the total number of marriages